To Tell the Truth?

How do people really find anyone on these dating sites?  I know they work for some people - I know of a few success stories even...

But the BS quotient is so high that it makes my head spin.  And to make things even more confusing: the more vague and enigmatic I am, the more the guys want to chat with me.  So let me get this right - the more real i am, the less they care, and the more vague, the more they want to know.  Makes me wonder:  do they really want to know me?

I was at Michelangelo's the other day.  He took on the role of armchair psychologist.  we got to talking about dating and told me I should go on jdate.  I gave him my laundry list of why i hated it - but since we were at a computer - we checked if my profile was still there - and it was.

When I got home, I decided to re-tool it a little.  I updated stuff - added newer pix.  but since I'm not a paying member, I can't initiate conversation or read messages.  I have to wait for the guys to Instant Message me.  That means I have to be logged on in order to communicate with anyone.  

Your first introduction to a person on the site is via the screen name or "handle", if you will - which is usually some variation of the person's name perhaps with a number or something about the city where you're from.  But on Jdate - you sometimes get names that indicate that they're Jewish... this is already called Jdate... duh!  

It's not unusual to find names like: "DowneyJewnior" or "MrEJew" or "NativeJewYorker".  C'mon, seriously?

Now since I can't initiate conversation - I have to wait til someone IM's me.  Some guy named Jason1234 (not the right numbers - protecting the guilty...) starts chatting me up... then tells me to email him - at Mitchel1234@... com.  So wait - are you Jason or Mitchell. He said he got stalked on this site.  ok - fair enough.  I then see his Myspace page, and his name is listed as George on there!!??!! WTF??? Then I look at his pictures and recognize him - he's some douche that I'd already blocked on both Myspace & Jdate years ago!  Creepy predator alert... he's not the stalkee - he's the stalker!

I ask you - what is the ratio of fact vs. fiction on these profiles?  Some are just blatantly looking for a hookup.  And if that's the case - why don't they just go to a bar?  My friends tell me that I should go on a dating site like Eharmony or Match or Jdate - that I'll find others looking for relationships... that's why they're paying for the servic]\\].  I don't know about that... I'm seeing so much of what I already get at the bars - that I figure - why bother?

I'm online a lot.  I usually have about 5 windows open at once... But I hate Instant Messaging - especially with strangers.  It's so tedious and boring.  Nothing makes me walk away from the computer faster than small talk on IM!!  

Perhaps I'm just not cut out for the whole online dating thing.  I have so much contempt for it due to some lame experiences - that i'm just too cynical about it all.  

At least at the gallery where I work - I have Torrance (the doorman) to filter out the idiots.  He'll straight up tell someone who's about to walk up and talk to me - "don't you go in there to rap with her".  Thanks T!

Maybe I'm just not cut out for dating in general.  

Another suggestion from Mike: I shouldn't be so honest all the time. I should lie more - be more mysterious.  My roommate also espouses this philosophy to a different degree - she says not to give it all up (information, that is) in the beginning - let them get to know you.  

That night I went to the bar/gallery - and apparently was introduced to a friend of a friend (I'd had a few shots already)... He asked me about myself.  I told him i was an "enigma".  I re-met him a few days later - and he'd reminded me of that... (I said that?)... question is: was he annoyed by that or intrigued... hmmm - if i'd asked, i'd have turned into someone boring - but how do i play with that - especially when sober? 

There might be some truth to what they're saying... Unfortch - I'm just way too honest.  I am so bad at lying! and in this case, is it a bad thing?

 

I've since stripped my profile down to almost nothing - I get more email messages (that I can't open) and flirts (again - can't read them) and views than before.  

Yet I'm still not going to pay $35/month for membership to read them.  I still hate Jdate.

4th Street Stairs

Destination: Santa Monica

Mission: Conquer the 4th street stairs

Partner in Masochism: Lisa

Goal: 5 sets

8:30 am. 

I overslept.

Wanted to be out by 8.

Called Lisa - woke her up.

-Stairs?

-I'm sleeping

15 min later

phone beeps - new text

"I'm up"

I'd fallen asleep again

Roll out of bed.

threw on some clothes - grabbed a quick bite.

out the door in 20 min.

Santa Monica

75 degrees already

perfect day.

too many fit people running up and down those stairs.

can we do this?

it's been almost a year. 

we used to do this regularly.

down.

not so bad

up. 

torture.

seriously - my heart is pounding.

and we went slowly!!

walk to the concrete stairs.

down

legs like jello

walk to the wood stairs

up

must take break

up

gasp

omg.

perhaps i should start to embrace my curvy figure?

no no no - it could use less curve.

must keep climbing.

me: we used to do 8 sets?

lisa: look - if we go down now, we're halfway through.

me: okay... doesn't sound that bad.

down the wood stairs.

legs are shaky 

take a 30 sec. break at the bottom

let the fast ones start first

up

whatever you do

just

don't 

look 

up!

woohoo! 

one set to go

down

wow - i have a little energy now

not as bad as before

Lisa: you're gonna be feeling this tomorrow

me: and Monday

up

last time!

halfway there - almost done

Lisa: lets do one more set - we'll walk to the concrete steps 

Me: Wha? (well - the third set is the worst - now it's not so bad)

top of the concrete setps

looking down

legs are really shaking now

done.

walk to the wood steps.

up

I like being behind slow people - so I can go slowly and not feel rushed.

but not that slow

so hard to pass someone

but i actually pass

heart bursting out of rib cage

can't slow down now

top! we made it!!!

Mission: accomplished! and more

Final count: 6 sets, plus 1/2 mile walk (approx.)

note to self: if i plan to go to the farmer's market - bring another shirt.

purchases: white peaches, apricots, artichokes, asparagus, stuff for a gazpacho.

forgot to put shopping bags in car. had to use plastic bags. 

must re-use.

what's easier - fasting or this type of torture?

must cut back on chocolate.

and no more late night after bar meals with megan.

should also cut back on tequila.

I'm exhausted. must take a nap.

Vitamin D and the paradox that is me.

I live down the street from Ralph's but I walked about a mile round trip to go to Trader Joe's.

I always attributed the fact that I don't look my age to the fact that I don't smoke, and I stay out of the sun (or wear sunblock). But that's slightly untrue. I don't like wearing sunblock either - I'd rather not slather on all those chemicals that just get absorbed into the skin.

Besides, I've been reading articles that say people today aren't getting enough Vitamin D. So at 3:30 this afternoon, I walked to Trader Joe's.

I don't know why, but the past 2 weeks, I've been wanting to eat things with Mayo... and I've been out. So that was one thing on my list... actually 2 - I love their Wasabi Mayo - gives my tuna salad a nice kick, and the regular mayo for egg salad or sandwiches.

Going down the freezer aisle, I saw something that had my name written all over it... literally. "Sharon's Sorbet" in Lemon and Coconut. I'd just had coconut sorbet last weekend at that pool party (the one with those 3am ribs) and I wanted to get some... but I was on foot and it was hot. It'd have melted. hmpf!

I also didn't get the salami or the turkey - neither being organic... but I bought pancetta to go with the leeks and asparagus... go figure.

Did you know that Charles Shaw now has White Zin? I rounded the corner and thought - "oh - pink wine... I want some"... suddenly it looked like a good idea.

When I finally got home, I opened the bottle of Pinot Grigio I had in the fridge (it was 5pm) rather than the impulse buy of the white zin.; and opened up the Egg White Ranchero salad (no mayo/no cholesterol) because I was hungry and it was healthy and looked good... But didn't I go there for mayo?

It also took all my might to not go to SK's Donuts on the way back. I'd made a pact with myself a while back. I've been wanting to go there ever since reading all the reviews on Yelp.com (especially the one from my friend Antonio A. - or was it his testimonial when we talked about it?)... I'm not allowed to stop there unless I walk to SK's from home. No drive by donut stops. they are open 24 hrs - so i could always go there after the gallery/bar. But I haven't. And I still have yet to go there. The fact that all I had was 60 cents in my purse kinda played a part - so I didn't cross the street and I avoided temptation. Also - If I'm gonna have a donut, I should make that special walking trip just for the donut - not as part of my grocery shopping.

My friend Maria told me about how 7-11 was giving out free slurpees today (since it's July 11th - 7/11) and I thought how perfect - It would go so well with that donut. and there is one just 2 blocks from SK's. The idea sounded nice. But no go. I'm saving my calories for when I go to Melisse on tuesday!

How I Finally Picked a new Swim Suit

I realized I needed a new swimsuit - especially since it's summer, and pool parties are popping up around town. My roommate has no problem with swimsuits - she can order them online and have success with just about anything.

Me on the other hand... well, let's just say i'm rather curvy - and some suits look cute online or on the model... but when it comes to trying it on... YIKES!

My email junk box had this promo for Saks - "Save up to 70% and earn double rewards". Not that I shop there much, but I had a $75 gift card to use, and some of the styles online looked promising.

Me: "Gina - want to go to Saks to find a SwimSuit?"
Gina: "Sure - I've never been there"

Fast forward 2 hours - we were finally out the door... so much for spontaneity. But I wasn't in a rush...

Now I really hate shopping for swimsuits - the agony - the depression - the fluorescent lights! But Gina made it so much easier - she kept grabbing styles, bringing them to the fitting room - helped with the vetos & maybes. Even took photos with her phone so I could see how i looked in a picture! What a trouper. She actually enjoyed it even.

It came down to one bikini - where i loved the top but was iffy on the bottom; a blue 1 piece, and a black 1 piece. There was also this great blue retro looking suit which they only had in a size 2 but I could get a larger one online. Since I didn't want two blue suits - I went for the black.

After the transaction, I realized I didn't look at the label.

WHERE WAS IT MADE? sigh of relief - MADE IN U.S.A.!!!

for curiosity sake - we checked the blue runner up - made in China. unfortch for me, the adorable retro one that I wanted to get online was also made in China - and ditto for the Tommy Bahama bikini top.

That black suit was meant to be.

On our way out, we decided to sample some perfumes... and came upon the display for Bond no. 9 exclusive to Saks 5th Ave.

I'm almost embarrassed to say we almost spent an hour there sampling so many... The sales girl was so patient - and really knew her perfumes. I totally fell in love with 2 scents: West Side with the colorful bottle.

But there was another one I liked too - not sure which one I like better.



The other one - which I got a sample of (yay! I love me some free samples) was Saks Fifth Ave. for Her... That one was nice! Wearing a nice perfume has a lovely mood brightening effect. My birthday is coming up... (consider the hint dropped).

Honorable mention should go to Nuits de NoHo... smelled like Angel but not as strong, and it can be worn directly on the skin.

But I like Saks 5th Ave. for Her best... reminiscent of Fracas.

Solitude in a Crowd

I realized today - or yesterday - or since it's 6am the next day and I haven't gone to bed yet since 23 hours ago... I realized - oh wow it's late... 

but that's not what i realized...

I realized sometime within the last 23 hours that one of the reasons I like taking the bus is the sense of quiet and solitude that I get.  Even among a bus or subway car full of strangers, I can feel completely anonymous... and there's a quiet dignity and peacefulness that I get.  

Though large crowds make me anxious - the larger the crowd, the easier to disappear - and as a result, I can just be alone... among strangers.

Am I making sense?  Probably not... I should just get to bed now.

I miss the freedom of taking the bus!

As I mentioned at the beginning of this month - I didn't get a bus pass for July.  

I didn't think I'd use it that much... I've only taken 2 rides - $2.50 worth... but if I'd had my bus pass, I would have used it several more times.  

Case in point: Sunday I went to a friend's BBQ. He picked me up so I was without transport.  But he lived near some familiar routes.  I ended up crashing on the couch because we were all much too spirited to drive anywhere (even at 3am after eating ribs).  Come the morning - I wanted to go home... but I was dependent on a ride since I also had no cash or change for the bus fare... Sigh.

Today, on the 9th day of the month - I took my boss's car to the dealership to get service.  If it wasn't for the shuttle service, I'd have been stranded. But I don't know how I'm going to get back to the dealership to pick up the car.  Perhaps I'll have to cab it.  It's on her dime - so the time I'd be on the bus makes up for the cab fare... but taking a Taxi seems so extravagant.  

I like being mobile and self sufficient - and I actually got used to just hopping onto the bus or metro and just tapping my card (TAP - transit access pass - silly acronym).  The extra walking and stair-climbing was a good way to keep active too.  Now I have to make sure I have enough $1 bills & quarters - or $5 for the day pass if I'm taking 4 or more rides.  

Maybe I'll see if I can fill up my card with a certain number of rides - to see how long it lasts me. Perhaps the $62 I paid for the month would actually last me 2 months? Or maybe It will only last me 20 days... I should have counted all the rides I'd taken the previous 2 months... If only I was so organized.  Go figure - I keep 2 family's paperwork in order - but when it comes to my own...

And what's the difference between Perhaps & Maybe?  I switched them up in the above paragraph... why would one use perhaps over maybe & vice versa? hmmm...

My new pet project

I live in an apartment. I don't have any plot of land to plant a fruit orchard or vegetable garden.

But my friend Mike lives in a house in Burbank. And there's no lawn... just dirt...

However in the back, he'd recently planted tomatoes & basil - both of which were thriving.

I want to create a garden in his yard... something drought tolerant, and edible...
but my goal is to get it to be something like this, an Urban Homestead. A fruit tree would be a nice touch - but not till much later.

I'll start with the easy stuff - Rosemary, Sage, Thyme... and just for Mike (who requested something fragrant and ornamental) Lavender.

Too bad he doesn't have the greatest kitchen... He likes the way I cook vegetables... We have little "Diner Club" gatherings where we try new recipes with what's in season. But they're at my apartment where all I have growing is some rosemary, thyme & chives.

This was a couple of months ago...Ara, me & Mike - Beer-can chicken, waffles (courtesy of Mike... uh... thanks), Asparagus with Leeks & Pancetta, and salad...